Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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