dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
