Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
