After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
