I wannas sexs uuuuu
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
