seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
