Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
