I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
