if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
