Got a toothbrush?
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
