He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
