I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
