She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
