So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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