Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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