I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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