So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
