ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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