Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
