Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
