I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
