i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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