My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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