I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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