Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize