are you still at the devil's house?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
