Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I would ride that face into the sunset
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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