normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
