The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
