you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
