I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Everything about him screamed your future.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize