I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
BRING THE BAGELS
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
