My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
