Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
