I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
