i think i have herpe
just one?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
