Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
