we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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