I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
