Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
