The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
