and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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