You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
All I want is dick and wine.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
