your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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