went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
