I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
