When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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