i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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