i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
