I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
