Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
