Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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