i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
