how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize