Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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