i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Found the puke drawer
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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