ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
