3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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