She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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