bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
