I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
