A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize