theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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