so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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