Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
