if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
