I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
