sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
