So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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