Someone shit on the floor
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
ok first of all what the fuck
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
