Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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