im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
