Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
