You made me cry and you don't even care
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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