Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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