Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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