Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
