...so i touched it.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
