why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
