the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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