you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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