I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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