tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
