when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i think im in europe. pls send help
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
