so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
