She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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