Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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