There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
