You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
