You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
