you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
