Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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