Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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