I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
