just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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