Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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