I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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