He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
