Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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